Local Woman Finally Decides To Settle Down And Adopt A Highway

THE 101 — In an inspiring story out of Los Angeles, 32-year-old feminist Simone Hedrick has made the brave decision to finally settle down and adopt a highway. “My doctor told me my biological clock was ticking, so I decided to hit cruise-control on my own life and start a family that stretches for miles and miles,” said Simone, who sold her eggs to get the funds to adopt a highway. “I’ve already started planning a highway reveal party! If I cut the cake and there’s grapes inside, then it’s the Grapevine, but if there’s standstill traffic- it’s the 405.” At press time, Hedrick was rubbing her belly lovingly, telling Enabler reporters that she could “feel them revving their little wheels in there.”

Editor’s Note: Congrats to Simone and her new baby highway, the PCH, who came into this world at a whopping 655.8 miles and 3 ounces!

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