The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
    • Point/Counterpoint
  • Listicle
  • A&E
    • Arts
    • Celebrities
    • Culture
    • Trend Watch
  • Sports
  • Life
    • Roommates
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact
  • Store

Articles by Harry Song

mm
About Harry Song
Harry Song is a mild-mannered economics student by day and a vengeful satire superhero by night. Locked in an eternal war with his archenemy the Moper, Song fights a crusade to bring justice in the name of all things silly.

Opinion: Final Exams Are Biased Against People With Tiny Bladders And Rectums

June 10, 2024 Harry Song 0

Yes, I’m a human. Yes, I pee and poo and shit and even fart. So why is this being held against me when it comes […]

Cartoon dinosaur wearing sunglasses and playing the electric guitar.

“What’s The World’s Smartest Dinosaur? A Thesaurus!” And 3 Other Silly Jokes About Dinosaurs And Thesauruses To Impress Your Unresponsive Father

November 26, 2023 Harry Song 0

Just a well-written joke all around! The multiple synonyms at the end really make that punchline hit hard, and your father will definitely see that […]

Opinion: I Tried So Hard And Got So Far, But In The End Does It Even Matter?

May 18, 2023 Harry Song 0

It starts with one thing, and I just don’t know why. Sometimes, it doesn’t even matter how hard I try (keep in mind, I didn’t […]

“Radioactive” And 4 More Songs To Add To Your Gaming And/Or Sex Playlist

April 18, 2023 Harry Song 0

Hey guys, Harry from the Enabler here. If there are two things I was put into this world for, it’s video games and sex. After […]

BREAKING: The Hat Man Is Coming For You

February 1, 2023 Harry Song 0

YOUR LOCATION — He can see you. Run.

UCLA Unveils New “Just Eat The Fucking Soil” Meal Plan

November 3, 2022 Harry Song 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA Dining announced its new “Just Eat The Fucking Soil” meal plan Thursday, which permits students to consume the dirt on campus. “If […]

Opinion: Bring Back Plastic Straws Because I Hate Turtles And Want To Kill Them

October 15, 2022 Harry Song 0

Ever since California introduced paper straws in 2019, I have been unable to harm turtle populations at my previous capacity. Back when plastic straws were […]

POC Ally Alert! White Man Only Dates Asian Women

July 6, 2022 Harry Song 0

SAN DIEGO — Marginalized communities across the nation praised white man Evan Schmidt this Wednesday for his radical choice to exclusively date Asian women. “I’ve […]

Student Graduating Cum Laude Cums Loud

June 10, 2022 Harry Song 0

WESTWOOD — Communications major Jonathan Yao shocked students and staff Friday when he ejaculated in his graduation gown while accepting his diploma. “It could’ve been […]

Tom Holland To Play Timothée Chalamet In Upcoming Biopic

May 14, 2022 Harry Song 0

HOLLYWOOD — Marvel star Tom Holland has been confirmed to play Timothée Chalamet in the highly anticipated biopic, an announcement which follows the recent casting […]

  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    WESTWOOD – Last night, UCPD relapsed in their ongoing addiction to arresting innocent students by violently swarming a movie screening and arresting two attendees. “The […]

  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for […]

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

  • Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

    Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

  • Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

    WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Health Tip: Swallow Your Zyns

    April 16, 2025 0
  • Straight Basketball Players Unionize After Highest Gay Per Capita WNBA Draft

    April 15, 2025 0
  • Roommates Nationwide Participate in “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” Challenge

    April 14, 2025 0
  • Admitted freshmen on the Janss Steps for Bruin Day

    Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students

    April 12, 2025 0
  • OPINION: Useless Sproul Laundry Machines Can’t Even Make Me Cum

    April 11, 2025 0

Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes