TUSCANY — Pinocchio, despite his lifelong wish to become a real boy, has announced he rescinds his statement and would like to become a wooden puppet again. “I became a real boy, and then next thing you know I’m a real man, and a real college student who has to take real midterms and work a real (shitty) retail job, and this really isn’t what I signed up for,” said Pinocchio, after booking a real dentist appointment that he’s put off for 18 months. “I really can’t take it anymore. I’m just really really done with all this real shit.” At press time, Pinocchio solved his problem by becoming a cog in the corporate machine and losing all sense of real boy-ism.