Quarter System To Become Dollar System Due To Inflation

WESTWOOD — An email was sent to the Bruin community late last night, in which it was announced that the quarter system would be renamed to the dollar system due to inflation. “Each quarter will soon be seventy-five days long, with summer break being shortened to twenty-five days. Trust me, we just don’t have the money for a longer summer,” elaborated Chancellor Gene Block, quickly closing a confirmation email for five orders of those COVID vending machine peppermint candies. “We collaborated with both the Economics and Linguistics departments to create a name that would be both interdisciplinary — and punny!” At press time, the chancellor could be seen giggling at his own joke while ignoring frantic phone calls from students and faculty members alike.