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All Things Enabled

Stay tuned for recordings of our gripping podcast! It’ll grip ya!

Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

April 28, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

Trend Watch: Withdrawing All Your Money From The Bank

April 9, 2025 Jared Reed 0

WESTWOOD — In light of the recent economic chaos brought about by the Trump administration’s sweeping tariffs, many on social media have taken to a […]

UCLA Requires Duo Mobile Authentication For Students To Learn If They Can Stay In Country

April 4, 2025 Olivia Maes 0

OPINION: Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Have “Golden Retriever Energy,” He’s Just White and Boring

April 2, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

Your boyfriend’s a bitch!!!!!!!!! In case it wasn’t clear, here’s the difference between your boyfriend and a Golden Retriever: Your boyfriend is not an innocent […]

Gayley Heights Burns Down After Roommates Make Really Long Chain Of Power Strips

March 28, 2025 Jared Reed 0

WESTWOOD — On Thursday, UCLA apartment building Gayley Heights went up in flames after a mischievous band of roommates assembled an unusually lengthy chain of […]

Fat Sal’s And Five Other UCLA Traditions That Suck Ass

March 19, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

The only time I’ve ever been to Fat Sal’s was when I was either drunk or high out of my mind, which makes sense because […]

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The Enabler Reviews: Big Blue Bus Anti Homeless Architecture

March 16, 2025 Emma Searing 0

Big Blue Bus Bench Architect, You never fail to charm me. Your ingenuity in creating unusable bus benches is truly inspiring. While the impoverished LA […]

Top Five Goonable Robots

March 7, 2025 David Doutman 0

Robots. One of the greatest and most attractive inventions ever thought up. They can help you with chores, they have superhuman strength, and best of […]

Julio Frenk Promises Undocumented Students He Will Do “Absolutely Nothing” To Help Them

March 5, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — After demands from the undocumented student group IDEAS for the Chancellor to meet with them, Julio Frenk has announced in a campus-wide email […]

UCLA Housing Signs Dorm Furnishing Contract With Temu

February 28, 2025 Jared Reed 0

WESTWOOD — In anticipation of even less housing space and even more budget cuts, UCLA Housing has attempted to cut costs by signing a dorm […]

Posts pagination

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  • Julio Frenk Takes “Fuck the Police” Seriously, Last Seen Naked In Royce Hall

    WESTWOOD — After a recent protest marched up to Murphy Hall, home of the office of the chancellor, Julio Frenk decided to hear out the […]

  • “Counting To 10” And Other Woke Ideologies Sesame Street Is Using To Indoctrinate Your Kids

    Well, it’s official: President Trump has signed an executive order cutting funding to PBS. And thank the canonically white God, because the hit kids’ show […]

  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    WESTWOOD – Last night, UCPD relapsed in their ongoing addiction to arresting innocent students by violently swarming a movie screening and arresting two attendees. “The […]

  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for […]

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

Featured Authors

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Gabe McNeill
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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