Biden Makes Crucial Mistake In Pardoning Turkey, Accidentally Pardons Human Son
WASHINGTON D.C. — In a stunning turn of events, President Joe Biden has officially pardoned his son Hunter Biden from a series of federal tax […]
Thanksgiving
Charlie Brown Diagnosed With CTE
ANYTOWN, USA – After getting his 7th concussion from failing to kick the football, Charlie Brown has been diagnosed with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE). “Wah […]
“Let’s Have A Friendsgiving!” Says Friend Group Just As Dysfunctional As Your Family
WESTWOOD — This morning, local friend and insane person Sam Man dropped a bombshell in the groupchat as he suggested that they all get together […]
Uncle’s Rant At Thanksgiving Dinner Receives Lo-Fi Hip Hop Remix
LOS ANGELES – Households across America are jamming out after the release of the Scott family’s new single, “Uncle Terry’s Rant (Interlude)” ft. lo-fi hip […]
This Year, Gene Block Is Thankful You Haven’t Heard About The Mold Yet
WESTWOOD — As Thanksgiving approaches and the UCLA community undergoes the largest strike in recent history, Gene Block is grateful for your ignorance of the […]
Thanksgiving Dinner Ruined By Grandpa’s Politics, And His Musty Fucking Breath
HOME — Grandpa Max ruined his family’s annual thanksgiving dinner by bringing up his insensitive antiquated politics and by having really smelly breath. “I think […]
Macy’s Thinks It’s About Time Deadbeat Nordstrom Hosts Parade For Once
NEW YORK CITY — In a statement given Thursday morning, Macy’s reaffirmed its displeasure with having to throw the annual Thanksgiving Day parade, calling upon […]
Thanksgiving Renamed To White Thursday
WASHINGTON — In the spirit of color coordination and honoring our colonial past, the White House has announced that Thanksgiving will be renamed White Thursday. […]
First-Year Debuts New Personality At Thanksgiving
MINNEAPOLIS — 19-year-old Thor Bjornson was spotted deplaning in sandals and a The Longest Summer t-shirt at Minneapolis-St.Paul International Airport on Wednesday night. “I’m stoked […]
Undocumented Immigrants Taking All Of Nation’s Resources, Says Study Conducted By Racist Uncle
FREMONT, CA — For the fourth consecutive year in a row, self-proclaimed scientist and uncle to five Joey Burke announced at a Thanksgiving dinner turned […]