Hedrick Hall Residents Commanded To Find Two Of Every Animal
WESTWOOD — Following flooding at Hedrick Hall this morning, residents have been commanded to find two of every animal through a divine email mandate from […]
Articles by Maggie Kwan
Vampire Draws Line At Period Sex
WESTWOOD — Local bloodsucker and thousandth-year religion student Vlad Cullen was seen insisting to his suitors he was down for almost anything in the bedroom, […]
Stolen Goods Stolen From Place With Exclusively Stolen Goods
PARIS — Parisian police officers were stunned to discover this weekend that priceless jewels were stolen from the Louvre, a place that exclusively houses priceless […]
Friend Who Can’t Drive Way Too Invested In Formula One
AUSTIN, TX — This weekend, second-year Mechanical Engineering major Diem Vee posted multiple photo dumps of himself trackside at the 2025 United States Grand Prix […]
Ask The Enabler: Is It Too Late To Cancel My Den Pass Refund?
Dear Westwood Enabler, I bought a Den Pass to maximize my time at UCLA and to give my uncle yet another excuse to bet on […]
Consulting Clubs Consulted On What The Fuck They Actually Do
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s ten thousand consulting clubs recently came under fire when they were consulted on what their clubs really do besides pose for headshots […]
Opinion: The Fight Song Shouldn’t Have Words
In light of football season starting again, I needed to mentally prepare myself for another fall quarter of watching us crap the bed every single […]
Top Five Father’s Day Gifts For A Dad Who Doesn’t Golf Or Grill Or Fish Or Camp Or Mow The Lawn
Happy Father’s Day! Fortunately for you, your dad isn’t one of those basic losers who actually gets out of the house and does something on […]
Trend Watch: Going Commando At Undie Run
Enough is enough. Every time the UV level is a 7, everybody and their mother is out getting sunburnt on Janss in a bikini top. […]