Articles by Maggie Kwan
Top Five Father’s Day Gifts For A Dad Who Doesn’t Golf Or Grill Or Fish Or Camp Or Mow The Lawn
Happy Father’s Day! Fortunately for you, your dad isn’t one of those basic losers who actually gets out of the house and does something on […]
Trend Watch: Going Commando At Undie Run
Enough is enough. Every time the UV level is a 7, everybody and their mother is out getting sunburnt on Janss in a bikini top. […]
UCLA Student Stares Longingly At Instagram Summer Dumps Like Prisoner Gazing At Free World
WESTWOOD — Early Monday morning, first-year Philosophy student Alca Pone was seen spending a little too long wistfully staring at a photo dump of a […]
White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month
WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]
Elon Musk Bullied To Tears In Fortnite Voice Chat
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Elon Musk was reportedly heard sobbing in a Fortnite Zero Build voice chat after being bullied by ELON_GETS_0_HOES, a 12-year-old in a […]
“Counting To 10” And Other Woke Ideologies Sesame Street Is Using To Indoctrinate Your Kids
Well, it’s official: President Trump has signed an executive order cutting funding to PBS. And thank the canonically white God, because the hit kids’ show […]
UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine
WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for […]
Opinion: Shut The Fuck Up About Coachella
An open letter to everyone on Instagram who is about to go to Coachella this weekend: SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! I DO NOT CARE!!! I’m […]
Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students
WESTWOOD — UCLA Campus Tours announced that as a Bruin Day special, each admitted students tour now comes with a free bag of peanuts for […]