Christopher Nolan Nukes UCLA For 5-Second “Oppenheimer” Shot
WESTWOOD — In what has now become a mass-casualty event, Christopher Nolan has nuked the UCLA campus for a 5-second B-reel scene in his new […]
science
Doctors Hate Her! Local Woman Says “AWOOGA” Instead Of “Ahhh” At Every Checkup
LOS ANGELES — Just this week, several Los Angeles doctors came forward to detail their uncomfortable experiences with local woman Riley Coyote, who says “AWOOGA” […]
Study Shows Too Much Weed Causes Memory Loss, May Also Cause Memory Loss
WESTWOOD— A new study out of UCLA has shown that consuming too much marijuana causes memory loss, and it may also cause memory loss. Wait, […]
Congress Declares Nuclear War On Climate Change
WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented bipartisan move, both the Senate and the House of Representatives unanimously voted Wednesday in favor of declaring nuclear war against […]
Solar System Tired Of Planning Student’s Next Downward Spiral
MILKY WAY — The solar system announced Saturday that it had really had enough of planning third-year psychology major Natalie Jones’s next downward spiral. “People […]
Report: Male Pattern Baldness Also Extends To Pubes
SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA — A recent report found that 70% of balding men also reported hair loss in the pubic region. “For a lot of us, […]
Impossible Foods Announces New Plant-Based Bananas
SAN FRANCISCO — Following the success of their Impossible Burger, vegan foodstuff maker Impossible Foods, Inc. announced Thursday a new line of 100% plant-based bananas. […]
Amazing! Study Finds Set Of Identical Twins Separated At Birth Both Suck
JERSEY CITY, NJ — In a groundbreaking new study, a team of geneticists discovered that a set of identical twins, separated at birth, both grew […]
MIT Researchers Develop Method For Teeth To Get Sunburnt
CAMBRIDGE, MA — In a scientific breakthrough, researchers at MIT have developed a mixture which, upon consumption, allows teeth to develop severe sunburns. “Why? Because […]
Study: Productivity Increases 360% When Chairs Can Swivel All The Way Around
WESTWOOD — Confidently swiveling in all directions to address her audience, project lead Angela Moriarty announced her team’s findings, which conclude that productivity increases 360% […]