Solar System Tired Of Planning Student’s Next Downward Spiral

MILKY WAY — The solar system announced Saturday that it had really had enough of planning third-year psychology major Natalie Jones’s next downward spiral. “People have no idea just how many calculations go into what we do,” said Mercury, whose upcoming 28.2565 degree rise is going to make Jones consume one too many shots after Jupiter’s slight tilt kills her father in a boating accident. “Her fault, by the way, for not buying the right crystals. Such a Sagittarius move. Or was she a Leo? Whatever.” At press time, the solar system was planning on easing its workload by sending another massive asteroid Earth’s way.

About Brandon Wang 13 Articles
Brandon Wang lives in Westwood with his adopted son Macaulay Culkin. His hobbies include enabling.