Kyrsten Sinema And Mitt Romney Get To Second Base On Senate Floor
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sens. Sinema and Romney engaged in a bout of heavy petting and excessive tonguing on the Chamber floor after working together to […]
You Win Some, You Lose Some: The Dog That Was Elected Mayor Of A Small Town Was Just Pancaked By A Cement Mixer
HUCKLEBERRY GROVE, KY — Amid the drama of last year’s election, the people of Huckleberry Grove made headlines across the nation when they elected a […]
Professor Denied Tenure After Falling For Student’s Ligma Joke
WESTWOOD — Henry Bones, assistant professor within UCLA’s anthropology department, was denied tenure this weekend after a student got him so good with a “ligma” […]
Students, Demons Look Forward To Halloweekend
WESTWOOD — As the three day partying event known colloquially as “Halloweekend” approaches, students and the demonic creatures that lurk in the back of their […]
Facebook Announces Name Change, Now “The Facebook” Again
MENLO PARK, CA — The conglomerate formerly known as Facebook, Inc. announced Thursday that it would be changing its company name back to “The Facebook”. […]
Opinion: My Scooby Doo Costume Is Not “Inappropriate,” My Balls Are Supposed To Hang Out Like That
I am absolutely sick and tired of everyone asking me the same question. I’ve walked around this party all night trying to make pleasant, simple […]
Spooky! Computer Science Student Dresses Up As Woman To Scare Classmates
WESTWOOD — In the spirit of Halloween, third-year computer science student Andrew Hawkins plans to dress up as a woman, which would be his peers’ […]
Teen Makes Case For Adderall Prescription By Reciting Memorized Monologue
WESTWOOD — Early Thursday afternoon, 17 year-old Connor Adams recited a perfectly memorized monologue to his psychiatrist in hopes of obtaining an Adderall prescription. “Hi, […]
Rise Of Powell Cat Renders CAPS Obsolete
WESTWOOD — UCLA’s Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) department has announced that it will be discontinuing all services indefinitely in the face of superior psychological […]