The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • On The Paper
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
    • Point/Counterpoint
  • Listicle
  • A&E
    • Arts
    • Celebrities
    • Culture
    • Trend Watch
  • Sports
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact
  • Store

Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts

May 21, 2025 Jessica Meeker 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]

Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site

May 20, 2025 Georgia McNeill 0

Dear Julio Frenk, UCLA has been under a lot of controversy lately. The encampments and the mob attack on them, the cops everywhere, deportations, budget […]

Report: Someone Broke Into My Dorm And Left All This Bong Smoke Here

May 19, 2025 Tucker Park 0

WESTWOOD — Unease settled over the Hill last night as UCLA Housing warned of a mysterious break-in which left one student’s dorm filled with a […]

It’s True! The Dumbest Man You’ve Ever Met Has Started A Substack

May 18, 2025 Jules Francis 0

WESTWOOD — Standing at a handsome 5-foot-6, known idiot, failed Biz Econ major, and your sophomore-year Hinge match Brayden Johnson has decided to start a […]

Elon Musk crying.

Elon Musk Bullied To Tears In Fortnite Voice Chat

May 17, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Elon Musk was reportedly heard sobbing in a Fortnite Zero Build voice chat after being bullied by ELON_GETS_0_HOES, a 12-year-old in a […]

UCPD swarming Dickson Court.

Report: UCLA Campus Surpasses State Of Iowa For Most Pigs Per Capita

May 16, 2025 Grace McIntyre 0

WESTWOOD — After UCPD officers swarmed Royce Hall once again yesterday to meet their daily quota of mercilessly beating up students, UCLA was awarded for […]

Guy wearing the same outfit as his profile picture

Embarrassing! You’re Wearing The Same Outfit As Your Profile Picture

May 15, 2025 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — Uh oh! After giving your Instagram to a cute classmate, they pointed out that you’re wearing the same outfit as your profile picture. […]

Blurry photo of woman with bloody bandage on head giving a thumbs-up to the camera.

Opinion: I Don’t Have A Concussion, Here’s Why. Opinion: I Don’t Have A Concussion

May 13, 2025 Claudia Bloom 0

Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve

May 12, 2025 Georgia McNeill 0

1. De Neve is already De Nasty. Let’s be real here. Out of the three main dining halls, which would be the least bad to […]

Five Stupid Little Trinkets To Give Your Mom Instead Of Grandchildren

May 11, 2025 Shayne Sweet 0

1. Card Pick up the last Mother’s Day card (conveniently located next to the “#1 Grandma” cards) and don’t even sign your name inside. She’s […]

Posts pagination

« 1 … 4 5 6 … 179 »
  • Opinion: Suck It, Pre-Meds! Now We’re All Going To Be Unemployed

    It finally happened. Despite being so against equity and inclusion, Trump finally did something to level the playing field between you pre-meds and us humanities, […]

  • Roommate Unable To Clean Dorm Because Floor Is Lava

    WESTWOOOD – In an emergency press conference inside your dorm today, your roommate announced they are unable to clean because the floor is lava. “I […]

  • Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”

    WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]

  • two skeletons kissing in front of a rainbow pride flag

    Skeletons In Closet Come Out

  • Supreme Court Brings Back Three-Fifths Compromise

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a blockbuster 5⅗–2⅗ decision, the Supreme Court has ruled Section 2 of the 14th Amendment unconstitutional, effectively allowing states to declare […]

Featured Authors

mm
Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Worst Couple You Know Breaks Up

    June 7, 2025 0
  • Alternative Club Throws “Groundbreaking” Event That Breaks No New Ground

    June 6, 2025 0
  • Good Morning UCLA! Julio Frenk Arrests Four Students Before Epic At Ackerman Even Opens

    June 5, 2025 0
  • A UCLA dorm with prison bars over the window. Someone's holding up a phone open on Instagram to a photo of Shibuya Crossing.

    UCLA Student Stares Longingly At Instagram Summer Dumps Like Prisoner Gazing At Free World

    June 3, 2025 0
  • Ask The Enabler: Does “Bisexual” Mean You Fuck Twice A Week, Or Once Every Two Weeks?

    June 2, 2025 0

Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes