WESTWOOD — Standing at a handsome 5-foot-6, known idiot, failed Biz Econ major, and your sophomore-year Hinge match Brayden Johnson has decided to start a Substack. “I would describe my writing style as if Hunter S. Thompson went on an ayahuasca retreat with Joe Rogan,” said Johnson, best known for once asking if Freud “invented sex.” “These articles are the culmination of years of Letterboxd and Goodreads reviews. Some of my recent favorites have been ‘Should Fast Food Restaurants Have Land Acknowledgements?’ and ‘I Took Magnesium Every Day for a Month — Here’s What Happened.’” At press time, Brayden was setting up an extra paid tier titled “Brayden’s Inner Circle” — granting his readers access to unfiltered voice memos from his daily walks, where he thinks about time.