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Chipotle To Require Credit Check Before Adding Guac

March 15, 2023 Bella Dunham 0

WESTWOOD — Chipotle announced Tuesday that they will be partnering with Credit Karma to run expedited credit checks on all customers attempting to add guac […]

UCLA Spins Wheel Of Random Names To Pick Class Of 2027

March 15, 2023 Rujula Rao 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA announced Wednesday that they would be switching to a 100% chance admission system for the incoming class of 2027. “Our job is […]

Saturdays Are For The Boys, But Tuesdays Are For Making Tapestries

March 14, 2023 Anya Bergstrom 0

WESTWOOD — Loading two crates of art supplies into their van, a group of fraternity brothers belonging to Nu Phi Chi were seen huddled in […]

Scooter Reaches Mach 5 Down Bruinwalk

March 13, 2023 Idil Çenberci and Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD— Students were shocked this morning when student athlete Will B. Quick achieved the speed of Mach 5 scootering down Bruinwalk. “All I saw was […]

BruinCast Employee Wins Oscar For Creative Camerawork

March 13, 2023 Gabby Bromberg 0

WESTWOOD — Fourth-year Abby Gromberg made history this Oscar Sunday after she was awarded “Best Director” for her work on LS 7A 2/13. “I think […]

Triangle of Sadness? This Woman Has a UTI

March 12, 2023 Melissa Beining 0

Watching the Oscars? Here are our quick takes on the Best Picture nominees! Buy me dinner first! Give ‘em a mic, I say! I sure […]

Finally! 2023 Oscars To Be Nationwide Convention Of Guys Named Oscar

March 11, 2023 Dana Badii 0

HOLLYWOOD — Today, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences made a well-received announcement that the 95th Oscars would be a national convention of […]

Opinion: God, If You’re Real, Bring Powell Cat Back

March 10, 2023 Jade Lacy 0

Hey God, it’s me. I know we don’t talk much. Honestly, after I asked you to give me the strength to eat ten hot dogs […]

I Lived It: Someone Asked To Share My Table At Kerckhoff

March 9, 2023 Sam Haines 0

The first thing that struck me, looking up at her, was that she had a kind face. What struck me next was her nerve. “Hi, […]

UCLA Adds Rizzonomics Major

March 8, 2023 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA’s College of Letters and Sciences announced a new Rizzonomics major for the 2023–2024 academic year this week, which has the campus community […]

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  • Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”

    WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]

  • two skeletons kissing in front of a rainbow pride flag

    Skeletons In Closet Come Out

  • Supreme Court Brings Back Three-Fifths Compromise

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a blockbuster 5⅗–2⅗ decision, the Supreme Court has ruled Section 2 of the 14th Amendment unconstitutional, effectively allowing states to declare […]

  • Experimenting Princess Clarifies She “Could Kiss A Frog, But Never Date One”

    FAIRYLAND — Today, one princess set the record straight about her sexual preferences after being caught with a frog. “Even though I had so much […]

  • Joe Bruin Bulks Up, Grows Beard For Pride Month

    WESTWOOD — After undergoing twink death at the age of 99, beloved UCLA mascot Joe Bruin has now transformed into the bear he was meant […]

Featured Authors

mm
Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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