Opinion: God, If You’re Real, Bring Powell Cat Back

Hey God, it’s me. I know we don’t talk much. Honestly, after I asked you to give me the strength to eat ten hot dogs in a row in second grade then I only ate seven and still threw up, I was pretty sure you didn’t exist. But hey, I’m desperate. So if you’re out there listening to me, bring Powell Cat back.

You can take Joe Bruin. You can take Josie Bruin. Please, anything to get Powell Cat back. That kitty has done more for this school than the entire Anderson School of Management. If you took the whole building away but gave Powell Cat just one more life we’d all be overjoyed.

You brought Jesus back and you can do it again. Who has comforted more people after a failed midterm, Jesus or Powell Cat? I think we both know the answer. And Powell Cat is much cuter than some middle aged guy with a beard and robes. Think about how much this could boost your following. Seems like a no brainer to me.

If Powell Cat isn’t sneaking around the bushes outside Kaufman Hall in the next few days, I have no choice but to assume that you aren’t real. At least, I wouldn’t want to believe in a God who wouldn’t bring back the best campus cat who ever lived. Rest in peace Powell Cat, but hopefully not for long.

About Jade Lacy 46 Articles
Jade is an enigma, the shadow at the edge of your vision, the personification of night, and a fourth-year English major and Asian American Studies Minor. She enjoys creeping into your nightmares and creative writing.