Weird! This Woman Has Legs For Days
ISLE OF MAN — Sources report that local woman Amy Fuller has got a real pair of stems on her. “I’ve seen a leg or […]
Opinion: Science Is Fake! The Same Water That “Carved The Grand Canyon” Can’t Flush My Poop Down This Toilet
We’ve all sat through the same boring eighth grade science class where they teach you about “erosion.” They say water flowed through some rocks and […]
L.A. Zoo Goes Climate Friendly, Announces “Planteater”
LOS ANGELES ZOO— In an attempt to reduce the human (and animal) impact on the climate and focus on sustainable energy, scientists at the Los […]
CBS Greenlights Young Young Sheldon
NEW YORK— CBS announced this morning the development of a spin-off of the hit spin-off “Young Sheldon,” to be titled “Young Young Sheldon.” “You spent […]
A Warm Hug, And 4 Other Things UCLA Dining Will Give You For 20 Swipes
Spring Break is almost upon us! It is finally that time of the quarter when underclassmen swap their remaining swipes for whatever is rolling around […]
Former Horse Girl Now Ketamine Addict
LOUISVILLE, K.Y.— Retired jockey and racehorse enthusiast Hannah Ryder has recently developed a horsey addiction to ketamine. “It started as a bonding activity with my […]
Opinion: To The Incoming Freshman Reading This: UCLA Let You In By Accident!
You’ve just “gotten in” to the #1 public university in the entire United States of America. Pretty soon, obnoxious people in your life are going […]
Opinion: Being Uncircumcised Is Bohemian
When I received my acceptance letter from UCLA, I was ecstatic to move to Los Angeles, the land of fruits and nuts. Unfortunately, I have […]
Bruin Bear And Cocaine Bear Elope
BOGOTA, COLUMBIA — Cocaine Bear and Joe Bruin tied the knot this weekend in Columbia, according to sources close to the couple. The nuptials were […]