HBO Merges With Other Streaming Services To Form MaxCockMount+
BURBANK — Following the rebrand of HBO Max to just “Max,” Warner Bros. announced today that they will also be merging with the Peacock and […]
Man Who’ll Never Be Truly Happy Brags About Investment Banking Internship
WESTWOOD — Financial actuarial math major Belfan Jordort was spotted loudly bragging about his upcoming internship at Goldman Sachs, despite the fact that he has […]
Wow! This One Birth Control Pill Completely Annihilates God’s Plan
HEAVEN — Instead of being fruitful and increasing in number (Genesis 1:28), the humans that God created have found a way to subvert His plan […]
“Do You Want To Feel My Stress Hives?” And Other Exciting Conversation Starters To Get Out Of Working On Your Group Project
This fun icebreaker is sure to create a sense of camaraderie among the group members as well as make those bitches realize they need to […]
Uggo Alert! TA Not Hot Enough To Justify Attendance
WESTWOOD — UCLA student Brad Eckel-Honesty decided against regularly attending discussion this quarter after his TA was revealed to be a full-on uggo. “Looking at […]
Gene Block Joins Cast Of “Barbie” (2023)
MALIBU— UCLA students were starstruck on Tuesday when they saw Westwood’s own Gene Block in the trailer for the highly-anticipated film “Barbie” (2023). “Gene joined […]
“This Is Gonna Be My Quarter Fr,” Says Alumnus
WESTWOOD — Spring quarter began yesterday, and no one is more excited than the graduated Bruins still lingering around campus. “Man, I can’t wait to […]
BFIT Regulars Speak Out: You Really Thought We Weren’t Judging You?
BFIT — Second-year physiological science major Cardy O’Lover spoke to the Enabler last week after her 6 a.m. 10-mile sprint on the eco-friendly treadmill, and […]
Bruin Walk Empty, Bruin Bear Sheds Single Tear
BRUIN PLAZA — The moon shone brightly on Bruin Walk, illuminating a broody, steeping fog of silence up and down the bricks and leaves on […]