“This Is Gonna Be My Quarter Fr,” Says Alumnus

WESTWOOD — Spring quarter began yesterday, and no one is more excited than the graduated Bruins still lingering around campus. “Man, I can’t wait to have a fresh start. I’m finally going to start attending office hours and going to BFit more,” said Ursa Brown (class of ‘22), who attended UCLA back when “Corona” was just a drink. “I like to think of myself as a super-duper senior! I’ll get back into the ol’ routine of strolling around the Sculpture Gardens, crying in the sixth stall of Powell Library’s bathroom, and using a fake ID at Rocco’s and having the bouncer throw me into the Gayley/Weyburn intersection!” At press time, Brown was lecturing a freshman about how Epicuria used to be called Covel.