Report: Dog Racist
LOS GATOS, CA—Local dog owner Elizabeth Juarez was stunned to learn her dog, an Australian Shepherd named Sandwich, is racist. “At first I thought he […]
Op-Ed: I Went to the Career Fair and All I Got Was This Sunburn
Ah, the career fair. Such fun! Such wonder! Like many other students, I woke up early, got dressed up in a business casual sleeveless […]
Op-Ed: You Can Fire Me, But You Can’t Stop Me From Sexually Harassing Women
Well, you’ve all heard the news by now. Laugh it up, liberals. You may have gotten me off the air and out of the public’s […]
Mother Of All Bombs Leaves Behind Husband And Six Thousand Child Bombs
ARLINGTON, VA – In the wake of her massive detonation and international fame, the mother of all bombs leaves behind the father of all bombs, […]
11 Reasons Why Last Quarter’s GPA Was Not Your Fault
Hey Bruins! Still mourning last quarter’s GPA? No worries, we here at WE have 11 reasons why your GPA is totally not your fault: Free […]
Report: Fuck, It’s Bruin Day
WESTWOOD – Sources have reported that it’s Bruin Day. Fuck. “God, is that this weekend?” asked senior Jason Marcus. “Christ. It’s like, whoopdy-fucking-doo, you were […]
Report: Xanax Makes m y hannds FEel incrwdible
WESTWOOOSD—A recent report confirmed that taking one dose of Xanax can mAke my entnire hands nd t he Fingerss too feel reallly good. “Hoooo it;s […]
Report: RA Found To Be Cool
WESTWOOD—A report conducted by the Hedrick 5-South Floor Association revealed local Residential Assistant Shirley Tang to be “cool.” “Yeah, we were all just kind of […]
Oblivious Dance Marathon Participant Still Going Strong
WESTWOOD— Unaware that Dance Marathon ended four days ago, third-year communications student Tyler Durham is still up and on his feet dancing in Pauly Pavilion […]