Op-Ed: You Can Fire Me, But You Can’t Stop Me From Sexually Harassing Women

Well, you’ve all heard the news by now. Laugh it up, liberals. You may have gotten me off the air and out of the public’s eye. You may have taken my job with these absurd “tape recordings” and “eyewitness evidence” and you may have bled Fox millions of dollars, but you can’t stop me from sexually harassing women. Just because I can’t go on live television and then phone up women I work with to make lewd comments doesn’t mean I can’t make lewd comments to my coffee shop waitress.

I can try and have phone sex with any women whose number I acquire. Hell, I can make suggestive and uncomfortable comments to tech support when I break my laptop. I can catcall women on the street. I can masturbate on subways. This is a society where the punishments for sexual harassment range from a citation to forced retirement with a golden parachute. You can’t stop me from being a lecherous old man.

You can’t stop me from leering at you and using racially charged sex epithets. You can’t even stop me from sexually harassing men, if I chose to. I’m a dirty old white man with money. You literally can’t do anything. In fact, you couldn’t even stop me from being President of the United States.

Oh, and also, fuck Al Franken.