The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
    • Point/Counterpoint
  • Listicle
  • A&E
    • Arts
    • Celebrities
    • Culture
    • Trend Watch
  • Sports
  • Life
    • Roommates
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact
  • Store

Articles by Peter Carman

No Image

Golden Key Honor Society Deadline Approaching

May 21, 2017 Peter Carman 0

WESTWOOD–Sources have confirmed that the deadline for the Golden Key Honor Society, who warns you of its upcoming deadline every couple of weeks, is rapidly […]

No Image

Kid Really Good At Chess For Some Reason

May 21, 2017 Peter Carman 0

WESTWOOD – Local 12-year-old Eric Donovan is really good at chess for some reason, sources have reported. “I’ve seen him play with other kids and […]

No Image

Cute! These Founding Fathers Tried To Create A Nation With No Demagoguery

May 21, 2017 Peter Carman 0

Are you ready for the most heartwarming story you’ve read all week? A group of Founding Fathers tried to create their very own nation, completely […]

No Image

Conversation Going Well Until Jesus Brought Up

May 21, 2017 Peter Carman 0

WESTWOOD–A recent conversation between local man and woman James McCarthy and Abigail Hill was going well until Jesus was brought up. “It started out totally […]

No Image

Teen Thinks This Nietzsche Guy Is Pretty Cool

May 21, 2017 Peter Carman 0

WESTWOOD – Local teenager Sam Herman thinks this Nietzsche guy is pretty cool. “All that stuff about slave morality is pretty interesting,” said Sam, an […]

No Image

“Live, Laugh, Love” Poster On Girl’s Wall Tells You All You Need To Know

May 21, 2017 Peter Carman 0

WESTWOOD–Sources have reported that the “Live, Laugh, Love” poster hanging on the wall of local 20-year-old Lindsey Matthews tells you pretty much all you need […]

No Image

Screaming Customer Inspires Cashier to Be Better

April 30, 2017 Peter Carman 0

WESTWOOD–Sources confirm that an altercation with an infuriated customer inspired local retail worker Rachel Jefferson to be better. “It was an overwhelming personal experience, and […]

No Image

Local Weirdo’s Favorite Muppet Isn’t Beaker

April 30, 2017 Peter Carman 0

WESTWOOD–Sources have recently confirmed that the favorite Muppet of Ian O’Neill, a local weirdo, isn’t Beaker. “Beaker’s alright, but no way is he my favorite,” […]

No Image

Study: Average Person Takes At Least Three Months To Get Over Failed Relationship, Debbie, You Bitch

April 30, 2017 Peter Carman 0

WESTWOOD–A new study conducted at UCLA has found that the average person takes at least three months to get over a failed relationship, Debbie, you […]

No Image

Local Man Mediocre Artist Despite Unhappy Childhood

April 30, 2017 Peter Carman 0

WESTWOOD–Despite having an unhappy childhood, local man Stephen Hopkins, 34, is still a mediocre artist. “My parents and I moved around a lot, never really […]

Posts pagination

1 2 3 »

  • UCPD Relapses After Suffering Arrest Withdrawals

    WESTWOOD – Last night, UCPD relapsed in their ongoing addiction to arresting innocent students by violently swarming a movie screening and arresting two attendees. “The […]

  • UCPD Arrests Student For Thinking About Palestine

    WESTWOOD — UCPD officers reported that their week of sitting on their asses at Royce has finally proven useful as they arrested a passerby for […]

  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

  • Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

    Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

  • Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

    WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • Health Tip: Swallow Your Zyns

    April 16, 2025 0
  • Straight Basketball Players Unionize After Highest Gay Per Capita WNBA Draft

    April 15, 2025 0
  • Roommates Nationwide Participate in “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” Challenge

    April 14, 2025 0
  • Admitted freshmen on the Janss Steps for Bruin Day

    Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students

    April 12, 2025 0
  • OPINION: Useless Sproul Laundry Machines Can’t Even Make Me Cum

    April 11, 2025 0

Copyright © 2025 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes