Alex Jones Announces “InfoWars: On Ice!”
NEW YORK — Well-known performance artist Alex Jones announced today that he will be taking his conspiracy peddling radio show to Madison Square Garden with […]
Study: Sunburn Suggests White Privilege Doesn’t Exist
TUSCALOOSA—Researchers at the University of Alabama have concluded, after extensive research on sunburn, that white privilege currently doesn’t exist and most likely has never existed […]
Op-Ed: So Help Me God, There Will be A Canyon In Sunset Canyon Recreation Center By The Time I Graduate
UCLA has a serious problem with misleading its students. It starts when you get all those pamphlets and brochures in the mail before you even […]
Local Thrillseeker Jaywalks At De Neve Crosswalk
WESTWOOD–Eager to quench his thirst for adrenaline, area thrillseeker Adam McGrew, a first year global studies major, jaywalked at De Neve crosswalk last Friday. “I […]
Graduating Senior Unknowingly Makes Last New Friend Ever
WESTWOOD—Graduating senior Danielle Rojas unknowingly made her last new friend ever when she befriended fellow student Allison Yang last Thursday. “She’s pretty chill, I guess,” […]
Op-Ed: Wonder Woman Should Smile More
When I first heard that DC was making a Wonder Woman movie, I was skeptical. Some of the best super heroes are men, and […]
Shapiro Fountain Now Just Champagne
WESTWOOD — In the wake of graduation photo shoots, oceanographers confirm that the Shapiro Fountain near Royce Hall is now just flowing with champagne. “There’s […]
Area Douchebag Reminds Trump “Pulling Out” Least Reliable Method
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of President Donald Trump’s decision to withdraw the United States from the Paris Climate Accords, area douchebag Chad Finberry […]
Western Wall Grabbed By the Crevice
JERUSALEM — On May 22, one of the holiest sites of the Abrahamic religions was allegedly accosted by a visiting tourist with incredibly small hands. […]
Children Playing House Engage In Horrific Custody Battle
WESTWOOD–The playground at Westwood Elementary became the center of tense conflict as second-grader Jenny Katz, playing the role of “Mommy,” and third-grader Ben Quon, playing […]