Shapiro Fountain Now Just Champagne

WESTWOOD — In the wake of graduation photo shoots, oceanographers confirm that the Shapiro Fountain near Royce Hall is now just flowing with champagne. “There’s also a lot of confetti,” added William McIvery, who has spent his professional career monitoring the water quality of UCLA’s aquatic landmarks. “Seasonal fluctuations in water composition are nothing new,” explained McIvery. “For example, in the fall this fountain is mostly just white girls in black dresses splashing around.” At press time, McIvery fished out a “Class of 2017” graduation stole from the murky depths of the water and let out a deep sigh.

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