J.D. Vance Just Happy To Be Included In Group Chat For Once
WASHINGTON, D.C. — When reached for comment about his inclusion in the Houthi PC Small Group Signal chat, Vice President J.D. Vance admitted he was […]
Admitted Student Already Planning On Skipping Lectures
SAN JOSE — After getting accepted to UCLA’s Class of 2029, one high schooler already had his mind set on skipping lectures as soon as […]
Julio Frenk Fires Self In Compliance With UCLA’s New Anti-Diversity Hiring Policies
WESTWOOD – This morning, Julio Frenk showed his dedication to following UCLA’s new anti-diversity hiring policies by firing himself. “When I was hired, there was […]
Fat Sal’s And Five Other UCLA Traditions That Suck Ass
The only time I’ve ever been to Fat Sal’s was when I was either drunk or high out of my mind, which makes sense because […]
Opinion: Each Study Buddy Should Count As A Body
Having a study buddy is so intimate. You see, I have one, and we have this transactional arrangement where we meet late at night in […]
The Enabler Reviews: Big Blue Bus Anti Homeless Architecture
Big Blue Bus Bench Architect, You never fail to charm me. Your ingenuity in creating unusable bus benches is truly inspiring. While the impoverished LA […]
“Do You Know What Today Is?” Asks Biggest Dweeb You Know
WESTWOOD — This morning, students all over campus had their peace interrupted by the biggest dweeb around asking if they knew what day it was. […]
STEM Major Still Has To Google Unit Circle
WESTWOOD — Third-year Applied Mathematics major William L’Hopital recently made sine waves last Friday when he was seen googling the unit circle in his upper-division […]
UCLA’S Top Five Sexually Eligible Statues
5. John Wooden It’s no surprise that a man whose first and last names both mean penis is coming in hot on this list. John […]