Nicki Minaj Fan Disillusioned Upon Learning Starship Delivery Bots Not Meant To Fly
WESTWOOD — Tears could be heard after avid Nicki Minaj fan Barbz “Bang Bang” Bass kicked a delivery bot down Tongva steps only to realize […]
Technology
Report: Jackhammers In Westwood Only Work Between 4 A.M. And 8 A.M.
WESTWOOD — A new study from the Los Angeles Public Works Department found that jackhammers in the Westwood neighborhood can only operate in the wee […]
Rapper Drake Gets Stuck In Tree, Saved By Firefighters
THE SIX — Rap superstar Aubrey “Drake” Graham was rescued from an 8 foot tall tree in Toronto’s High Park Thursday afternoon by the Toronto […]
Facebook Announces Name Change, Now “The Facebook” Again
MENLO PARK, CA — The conglomerate formerly known as Facebook, Inc. announced Thursday that it would be changing its company name back to “The Facebook”. […]
First-Year Trampled By Stampede Of Delivery Robots
WESTWOOD — The UCLA community is in mourning today after first year Leslie Pitt, 18, was trampled to death by a stampede of Starship delivery […]
Respondus LockDown Browser Thinks You Should Smile More
CYBERSPACE — As you attempted to begin your Monday morning midterm, the anti-cheating application Respondus LockDown Browser™ released a statement suggesting that you would look […]
Respondus Reveals New LockDown Sniper
REDMOND, WA — Earlier today, Respondus, the software company known for its controversial LockDown Browser, revealed their latest product: the all-new Respondus LockDown Sniper™. “Respondus […]
“Beg For It,” Says Automatic Faucet
WESTWOOD — According to toilets close with the Enabler, the rightmost automatic faucet in Target has begun demanding bathroom users to “beg for it” in […]
BREAKING: Grandma Downloaded TikTok
DALLAS — Local senior citizen Dolly Berkshire amassed one million followers on TikTok Friday morning, a milestone she has been approaching since her video dancing […]
Cal Develops Vaccine, Still Fails To Secure #1 Spot
BERKELEY — Researchers at the University of California, Berkeley developed a vaccine for the viral Covid-19 at 11 a.m. on Monday, and yet the university […]