Boelter Scientists Announce Creation Of Slowest Elevator Possible
WESTWOOD — During a press conference late Thursday evening, a team of scientists from Boelter Hall announced that they had created the slowest elevator possible. […]
Technology
Computer Science Major Takes First Date To Apple Genius Bar
APPLE STORE — Fourth-year English major Emma Woodhouse was surprised last week when her first date with a Computer Science major was at Apple’s Genius […]
HBO Merges With Other Streaming Services To Form MaxCockMount+
BURBANK — Following the rebrand of HBO Max to just “Max,” Warner Bros. announced today that they will also be merging with the Peacock and […]
UCLA Spins Wheel Of Random Names To Pick Class Of 2027
WESTWOOD — UCLA announced Wednesday that they would be switching to a 100% chance admission system for the incoming class of 2027. “Our job is […]
Scooter Reaches Mach 5 Down Bruinwalk
WESTWOOD— Students were shocked this morning when student athlete Will B. Quick achieved the speed of Mach 5 scootering down Bruinwalk. “All I saw was […]
Starship Vows To Be More Assertive This Year
WESTWOOD — Starship Number 38, known around the charging stations as Bernard, resolves to be more assertive as he rolls through the UCLA campus in […]
Loser Plays As Mario In MarioKart
MUSHROOM KINGDOM— Area dude Brad McIntyre bored gamers everywhere Tuesday when he chose Mario as his racing character in the hit Nintendo game MarioKart. “I […]
What a Deal! This Student Just Got a Free Virus With Her Pirated Textbook
WESTWOOD — Third-year Computer Science major Nerdiea Lert was delighted this Thursday to find a complementary virus attached to her free Calculus I textbook that […]
Spotify Wrapped 2022 Just Spotify Wrapped 2021 In Slightly Different Order
WESTWOOD — As the year comes to an end, Spotify has once again given each user a personalized playlist consisting of their most listened songs […]
CVS Celebrates Fall With Pumpkin Spice Pepper Spray
LOS ANGELES— Since Monday morning, customers of the Consumer Value Store have been able to enjoy a new line of products that capture the holiday […]