Guy Making Jokes In Lecture Chat Releases Netflix Special
WESTWOOD — Third-year psychobiology student Neil Korsch is preparing to release a Netflix stand-up comedy special later this month after his critically acclaimed set in […]
Articles by Jay Varhula
UCLA Campus Available To Sublet Spring Quarter, Utilities Included
WESTWOOD — At 3 a.m. PST Monday morning, the UCLA Board of Directors released a statement on the “UCLA Free And For Sale” Facebook page […]
Respondus LockDown Browser Thinks You Should Smile More
CYBERSPACE — As you attempted to begin your Monday morning midterm, the anti-cheating application Respondus LockDown Browser™ released a statement suggesting that you would look […]
Democrats Relieved Pence’s Natural Charisma Didn’t Affect Debate
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Democrats nationwide breathed a collective sigh of relief Wednesday night after Vice President Pence’s infamous natural charm and charisma appeared […]
Roommate Going To Finish Bananas This Time
WESTWOOD — After returning from Ralphs today at 12:30 p.m. PST, your roommate assured you that he is definitely going to finish the bananas he […]
Man Drinks The Fuck Out Of Glass Of Water
ENCINO, CA — The nation reeled Sunday afternoon after learning that area man Chis Peterson really just drank the fuck out of his glass of […]
Syllabus Very Clear About How Much Studying, Kegels Required To Get “A”
WESTWOOD — In response to unexpectedly low scores on his Program in Computing 10A midterm, Professor Mikhael Gronkson impatiently reminded students that if they had […]
Royce Hall Introduces Night Royce
WESTWOOD — In an unprecedented move of unclear motive, UCLA officials announced that Royce Hall will be opening its doors to students during the wee […]
Op-Ed: Crosswalk May Stop My Walk, But It Cannot Stop The Winds Of Time
Well well well, look who it is. Mister “Oh you have to wait a few seconds even though there are no cars.” You think you’re […]
Area Douche Identifies With TV Anti-Hero
WESTWOOD — In what onlookers have described as a “display of pure originality,” local douchebag Jake Gordonsky revealed last Friday that he totally identifies with […]