Report: Jackhammers In Westwood Only Work Between 4 A.M. And 8 A.M.

WESTWOOD — A new study from the Los Angeles Public Works Department found that jackhammers in the Westwood neighborhood can only operate in the wee morning hours. “Fuck them kids,” explained Joe Ramos, Director of the Department, who also retains a running spreadsheet of students who accidentally left their windows open the night before. “Oh no! Was I a bad boy? GRATATATATATA. Did I interrupt your beauty sleep? GRATATATATATATA. Well, I’ll try to—GRATATATATATA—a little quieter for the next four hours.” At press time, Ramos was in fact much, much louder.