Rapper Drake Gets Stuck In Tree, Saved By Firefighters

THE SIX — Rap superstar Aubrey “Drake” Graham was rescued from an 8 foot tall tree in Toronto’s High Park Thursday afternoon by the Toronto Fire Services. “He looked so helpless up there, I think I saw a single teardrop roll down his face while he was sucking his thumb,” Fire Chief Matthew Pegg told reporters while changing Graham’s diaper, minutes after safely descending him from his state of peril without a ladder. “I didn’t know if I would make it… but the climb is never easy… us pretty boys get up and stay up… Birds fly with they wings in the sky… but when they see me up there… they won’t even look me in the eye, yeah. Call me damsel in distress how I be stuck in a tree—I be like damn girl I think that you belong with me.” At press time, Graham’s 4-year-old son Adonis was seen embracing and comforting his father.

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Ethan is a first year undecided humanities major who has accepted his fate as a future Starbucks barista. He writes for the Enabler as a coping mechanism.