Life

Student Requesting Extension Types Transcript of Recent Therapy Session In Email

April 21, 2022 Melissa Beining 0

WESTWOOD — Third-year political science major Jeffrey Trabor included the transcript of his recent therapy session in an email to his TA requesting an extension. […]

Oops, Grandma Ate A Plastic Egg And Now We’re Praying For A Second Resurrection

April 19, 2022 Melissa Beining 0

USC MEDICAL CENTER — Bringing a tragic end to a day of religious festivities, Grandma ate a plastic egg, and now we’re asking God in […]

“&$@!,” And Four Other Things You Really Shouldn’t Say

April 16, 2022 Robi Chatterjee 0

DO NOT SAY THE FOLLOWING. This is obviously a very crude word, why else would we censor it with random symbols? A$$ is a no-no […]

Therapists Hate Her!

April 14, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

WESTWOOD — Sources suggested Monday that therapists really hate Molly Johnson, 24, of Westwood. “She comes in every week and apologizes if she sounds annoying,” […]

Amazing! Area Man Eyeballs Correct Amount Of Pasta For Two People

April 13, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

WESTWOOD — Local amateur chef Miles Thompson has been catapulted into stardom overnight after he correctly eyeballed the proper amount of pasta for two. “Honestly, […]

UCLA Announces Masks Now Optional, Also Pants

April 11, 2022 Hanna Barlow 0

BRUINWALK — UCLA has announced that, beginning April 11, students will no longer be required to wear masks — nor pants. “I’m so excited to […]

4 Out Of 5 Dentists Say You Should Break Up

April 5, 2022 Gillian Smith 0

CAMBRIDGE — A recent study done by MIT analysts has found that four out of five dentists say you should break up with your good-for-nothing […]

UCLA Taskforce Taskforce Tasked With Enforcing Taskforce Tasks

April 4, 2022 Dylan Wood 0

WESTWOOD — In a fairly precedented move, UCLA’s Department of Redundancy recently announced the formation of a Taskforce Taskforce, which will be tasked with enforcing […]