WESTWOOD — Local amateur chef Miles Thompson has been catapulted into stardom overnight after he correctly eyeballed the proper amount of pasta for two. “Honestly, I’m sort of scared to ever make pasta again, because I don’t know if I can replicate my success,” said Thompson, pouring cold Kroger $1.69 Four Cheese Alfredo Sauce onto his perfectly measured fusilli and microwaving it. “I’m inspired to keep cooking, though. Maybe next time I’ll be able to flip an omelet without breaking it.” At press time, fans who had thronged around Thompson’s Ophir apartment in the hopes of witnessing a repeat performance went home angry after learning that Thompson had been aiming for a single serving all along.
About Gillian Smith 33 Articles
Flavius Octavius Julius Gaius Septimius, known colloquially as "Gillian the Great," is the 71st emperor of Rome. Her notable achievements include winning the 2021 Maryland BOGGLE state championship and not being assassinated yet.