Health Tip: Swallow Your Zyns
The great historian Howard Zynn once said, “Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.” Revising the revisionist, I say, “Dis Zyn is the highest form […]
Straight Basketball Players Unionize After Highest Gay Per Capita WNBA Draft
NEW YORK CITY — Straight WNBA players are more outnumbered than ever after the 2025 Draft, sparking the formation of the Straight Union of Ballers […]
Roommates Nationwide Participate in “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” Challenge
WESTWOOD — According to the National Roommate Association, a dangerous new craze is sweeping the nation: the “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” challenge. “HEYYYYYYY whatsgoinonguysitsyaboy […]
Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students
WESTWOOD — UCLA Campus Tours announced that as a Bruin Day special, each admitted students tour now comes with a free bag of peanuts for […]
OPINION: Useless Sproul Laundry Machines Can’t Even Make Me Cum
Picture This: the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and I’m trying to be a good little girl and do my laundry on a […]
“Bruintizing” To Be Replaced With Getting Hit By A Scooter
WESTWOOD — Instead of having students dip their fingers into the Inverted Fountain, UCLA has now required future new Bruin initiations to only consist of […]
Trend Watch: Withdrawing All Your Money From The Bank
WESTWOOD — In light of the recent economic chaos brought about by the Trump administration’s sweeping tariffs, many on social media have taken to a […]
Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
WESTWOOD — In light of Trump’s new bans on transgender healthcare, the Ashe Center has teamed up with the Samueli School of Computer Science to […]
Intrepid Daily Bruin Reporters Find Out Julio Frenk’s Favorite Color
WESTWOOD — After a grueling investigation that involved bugging meeting rooms, undercover operations, and wiretapping, the Daily Bruin has made headline news announcing that they […]
UCLA Offers Permanent Study Abroad Program
WESTWOOD — Today, UCLA’s administration announced its generous offering of a permanent study abroad program for international students. “As this God-chosen nation’s #1 public university, […]