WESTWOOD — After a grueling investigation that involved bugging meeting rooms, undercover operations, and wiretapping, the Daily Bruin has made headline news announcing that they found out Julio Frenk’s favorite color. “I’m pleased to report that this chartreuse-loving bastard is gonna be exposed to the world. We spent a historic and unprecedented one and a half hours on this investigation, even going deep into the second page of Google,” claimed second-year veteran Daily Bruin reporter Dick Malone while taking a long drag of a cigarette and staring wistfully out the window. “I’m worried that they’re going to try to take me out. I’m in too deep. Just know, if they find me dead, it wasn’t suicide, no matter what they say.” At press time, Julio Frenk was sending chartreuse-colored expulsion papers to student protestors.
