NEW YORK CITY — Straight WNBA players are more outnumbered than ever after the 2025 Draft, sparking the formation of the Straight Union of Ballers (SUBs). “I’m feeling extremely blessed and highly favored to have been picked in the first round, and in a state of gratitude to have been part of the First Team All Lesbian Cohort. More Ls in the W, all glory to God! Let’s go!” said star player Peyton Beckham, as she adjusted her sparkly suit and embraced her rumored girlfriend. “I do understand why SUBs was created. They’re scared. HA! No but seriously, I feel bad for them; you really have to be gay these days. They definitely need a support system to handle all of our unrivaled gay power and to absolve themselves of all of our PR hiccups, like when I tore my ACL from being knee-deep in the passenger seat.” At press time, the undrafted 6’7” Sedona Prince was seen attempting — and failing — to join the SUBs, following her unsuccessful “Gay to Straight Transfer Portal.”
