WESTWOOD — After hearing about America’s bombing of Iran, one man still could not pick a side to support until knowing the fate of local Persian ice cream shop Saffron and Rose. “Will my pomegranate and espresso scoops still be available for my daily sweet treat? My grumbling stomach is far more important than whatever World War III might bring,” said second-year political science major Reggie Bastani while pacing back and forth in front of the building in a cold sweat. “If the guy at the counter doesn’t clock in tomorrow because his whole family got bombed, you bet that I’ll be at the front of the next protest locked and loaded with an Instagrammable sign. IDF? More like ID-GAF about anything other than my universal human right to eat dessert!” At press time, Bastani was Googling “are ice cream employees exempt from the draft?”