Op-Ed: Shouldn’t ALL Fridays Matter?
This holiday season, we’ve all gathered our families together to reminisce about the year gone by, and wish each other well into the coming year. […]
Astrophysics Students Blinded from Looking Directly at the Sun
WESTWOOD, CA — A class of 23 UCLA students from the astrophysics general education course ‘My Star and Me’ were blinded this Monday after taking part […]
Louisiana Denies Governor Jindal Refuge From GOP Primary
BATON ROUGE, LA — Following his displacement from the GOP primary due to instability within the party, Governor Bobby Jindal was denied refuge by his […]
Report: Single Gourd In B-Plate Promises Festive Holiday Season
WESTWOOD — Sources confirmed today that B-Plate has risen the stakes this holiday season, as the addition of a single gourd to the dining hall’s […]
Local Family Eats Cornbread Out Of A Turkey’s Ass
LOS ANGELES — The Suelden family will be gathering in their home to eat cornbread out of a turkey’s ass this Thanksgiving, sources confirmed. “Yes, […]
Student Lists Proficiency At Microsoft Word As Only Skill On Resume
WESTWOOD — Eager to advertise her technological savvy, UCLA student Jennifer Shaw made sure to highlight her experience with Microsoft’s popular word processor by including nothing […]
Freshman Has Yet To Meet Gay Best Friend
WESTWOOD — First year student Carly Lockwood told reporters last Friday that she does not understand how, in nearly two months at UCLA, she has […]
Powell To Be Converted Into Temple For John Wooden
WESTWOOD —The UCLA Department of Administration held a joint ad-hoc meeting last Tuesday with the Center for the Study of Religion (CSR) to discuss plans […]
Local Sorority Girl Only Mildly Satisfied With Big
WESTWOOD — Following her sorority’s “big-little” ceremony, first year Mikayla Montgomery revealed to Enabler reporters that she did not actually feel an immediate sense of […]
Rhythmic Sounds Coming From Roommate’s Bed
WESTWOOD — Late Wednesday evening, third year Electrical Engineering student Devin Thacker reported hearing loud, rhythmic sounds coming from the bed of his roommate, Tanner […]