Local Sorority Girl Only Mildly Satisfied With Big

WESTWOOD — Following her sorority’s “big-little” ceremony, first year Mikayla Montgomery revealed to Enabler reporters that she did not actually feel an immediate sense of affection towards her assigned big. “Call me ‘old-fashioned’ but it’s the truth; I just don’t know her well enough to announce to the world I’m in love,” she explained in a rushed whisper. Among the many positive aspects of sorority culture, one classic tradition involves an older sister mentoring a younger one; a relationship which is widely publicized throughout the year on all social media platforms. “Sure, Caroline and I have a lot of things in common: fashion style, music taste, guys we’ve hooked up with,” Montgomery continued, “but we’ve never discussed important things like politics, philosophy, or the economy. How can I say I love her when I don’t even know if she agrees with the Ricardo-Viner or Heckscher-Olin model of factor distribution?” At press time, an emotionally-conflicted Montgomery uploaded a single photo to Instagram with the caption reading, “I already really really like my big [blue heart emoji] [yellow heart emoji].”

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