Local Family Eats Cornbread Out Of A Turkey’s Ass

LOS ANGELES — The Suelden family will be gathering in their home to eat cornbread out of a turkey’s ass this Thanksgiving, sources confirmed.

“Yes, we are eating cornbread out of the turkey’s ass,” said Diane Suelden. “The cornbread was not in the turkey’s ass to begin with. We put it there in the ass, and then we took it back out so we could eat it.”

The Suelden children, Tony and Yvette, revealed that this has been a beloved holiday tradition in their household for years. Each Thanksgiving, they look forward to inviting their relatives and friends to gather around the dinner table and enjoy a home-cooked meal together.

“We stuff the cornbread in the turkey so that it simmers in the ass juices,” said Yvette. “That is how the cornbread soaks up the rich turkey ass flavor. We want the cornbread to taste like regular cornbread, but with more succulent ass juices of the turkey.”

Diane also plans to prepare homemade giblet gravy to accompany the Thanksgiving dinner. The Suelden family has reportedly been craving this special recipe all year.

“I am going to cook the digestive organs of the turkey until it becomes a sauce,” said Diane. “I will pour these soggy organs back onto the turkey, its former flesh home. Perhaps I will dribble that viscera onto the ass-moistened cornbread as well. Christ, I cannot wait to nibble and dribble that viscera.”

The Suelden family intends to continue these Thanksgiving traditions for years to come.

“The Native Americans. We do this for the Native Americans.” said Yvette.

About Jasmine Don 30 Articles
Jasmine is best known for her work eating the bones and skin off of the boneless skinless chicken breasts at the super market. She's also the one who paints tropical frogs bright colors so we know which ones are poisonous.