Study: All High School Janitors Actually Philosophers
LA JOLLA, CA—Researchers at the University of California, San Diego, announced the results of a comprehensive ten year study that proves without a doubt that […]
Report: Most LA Children In Favor Of Expanding Choo-Choo Train Lines
LOS ANGELES—Citing a severely underdeveloped public transportation network, a survey released by the Los Angeles Department of Transportation (LADOT) Tuesday found that at least 65% […]
How To Have The Perfect Valentine’s Day In College
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner! Whether you’re in a relationship or still waiting for that Special Someone, here are some tips for having […]
Satirical Newspaper Shamelessly Promotes Own Bake Sale
WWW.WESTWOODENABLER.COM—Withholding all regard for professionalism and self-respect, satirical newspaper “The Westwood Enabler” published an article about its Valentine’s Day bake sale today, an act […]
Tips For Finding Next Year’s Roommate
It’s that time of year again! Here are the Enabler’s tips for finding the perfect roommate. Reassure potential roommates by explaining the ways in which […]
Op-Ed: I’m Pretty Sure That Zayn’s New Single Is About The Magical Night We Spent Together
As everyone who’s anyone knows, the literal GOD who is Zayn Malik released his first solo single Friday. Following its release, two things have come […]
Op-Ed: Iowa, Explained By The Most Popular Girl In Middle School
When I got to school on Monday, everyone was talking about Iowa. Great. last time I checked, I was the cool new girl who worked her way […]
Pita Chips Just An Excuse To Eat 7 Oz Of Hummus
LOS ANGELES — Local woman Evita Jacobs confirmed last Friday that the bag of pita chips she had purchased was just an excuse to eat […]
Discriminatory Grading Policy Favors Students That Work Harder
WESTWOOD—Allegations of widespread discrimination favoring harder-working students in the University of California system arose Monday. “Not only are certain students more likely to get higher […]