Tearful Jeff Sessions Puts Cheburashka Doll In Storage
WASHINGTON—Attorney General Jeff Sessions burst into tears today while hiding his Cheburashka plush doll in the bottom of a plastic storage container, anonymous White House […]
Moonlight’s Win Absolves Academy of Passive Racial Exclusivity
LOS ANGELES — Following Moonlight‘s Oscars win for Best Picture, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was happily absolved of all racial prejudice […]
White Celebrity In $100,000 Dress Wins Gold Statue For Being The Best, Denounces Trump
LOS ANGELES—A white celebrity wearing a $100,000 dress got onstage at The Academy Awards where she accepted a golden statue for being the best and […]
Nation Wishes Warren Beatty Had Announced Presidential Election
LOS ANGELES — After Warren Beatty mistakenly announced the wrong winner of Best Picture at the Oscars, Americans around the country were heard wishing that […]
Westwood Enabler Banned From Spicer’s Press Briefing
WASHINGTON D.C. – Reporters from The Westwood Enabler called in to report that Press Secretary Sean Spicer had barred them from attending his off-camera Q&A […]
Op-Ed: So Pedophilia Is The Line?
As the world’s most dangerous faggot™ I, Milo Yiannopoulos, have always strived to present the true and disturbing facts about the cancerous spread of third […]
Top 8 UCLA Date Ideas
Still not sure how to impress your date on Valentine’s Day? Here are some ideas guaranteed to get you a “that was nice!” text afterwards. […]
Report: Guy At B-Plate Really Going For Those Brussels Sprouts
WESTWOOD–Sources confirmed that around 6:30 last night, this guy at B-Plate was really going for the brussels sprouts, appearing stoic as he rammed the metal […]
Area Man Loved That Cinematography
WESTWOOD—Citing the director’s artistic use of various camera techniques in a new movie he saw on Tuesday, area man Noah Pitzer loved that cinematography. “The […]
Big Win For Mouthfeel! This Merlot Is Tannic And Velvety
Good news, mouthfeel lovers! The Edna Valley 2013 Merlot is tannic and velvety. Its deep, chewy tannins and smooth, opulent body make for a wonderfully […]