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Articles by Kali Croke

Point: Gazing Off My Balcony Reminds Me This Is My Time / Counterpoint: Can You See Me Smoking My Bong From The Street?

November 27, 2017 Kali Croke 0

Point: Gazing Off My Balcony Reminds Me This Is My Time By: Claudia DeMonet There’s nothing that makes me feel more alive than watching the […]

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Local Friend Group Decides To Not And Say They Did

May 21, 2017 Kali Croke 0

WESTWOOD–Upon one member’s suggestion that they go volunteer at a nearby soup kitchen, a local friend group collectively decided to not and say they did. […]

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Area Woman’s New Favorite Smell Definitely Toast

May 21, 2017 Kali Croke 0

WESTWOOD–After popping a fine slice of Nature’s Own Whole Wheat Bread in the toaster oven, area woman Karen Schremm concluded that her new favorite smell […]

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Mostly-Full Water Bottles Neglected in Prime Of Lives At Airport Security

April 30, 2017 Kali Croke 0

LOS ANGELES–On its way to Chicago O’Hare, a sixteen-ounce bottle of Dasani purified water was abandoned by its owner outside LAX airport security. The water […]

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Struggling Club On Bruinwalk Starting To Sympathize With Homophobic Preacher

April 30, 2017 Kali Croke 0

WESTWOOD–After only selling three potato balls in one hour, an unnamed club offering Porto’s baked goods on Bruinwalk has begun to sympathize with the homophobe […]

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Moonlight’s Win Absolves Academy of Passive Racial Exclusivity

February 27, 2017 Kali Croke 0

LOS ANGELES — Following Moonlight‘s Oscars win for Best Picture, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was happily absolved of all racial prejudice […]

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Girl Scout Sales Surge Since Legalization Of Marijuana

February 12, 2017 Kali Croke 0

LOS ANGELES — According to Girl Scouts of America, cookie sales in the state of California have grown over 250 percent since Proposition 64 passed […]

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Local Hipster Personally A Fan Of Macaulay Culkin’s Later Works

November 20, 2016 Kali Croke 0

WESTWOOD–After watching an airing of Home Alone on primetime cable, local hipster Samuel Stroller was reminded of his preference for Macaulay Culkin’s achievements as an […]

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Selfish Asshole Asks For Money Instead Of World Peace For Birthday

November 20, 2016 Kali Croke 0

WESTWOOD–Celebrating his 8th birthday this past week, narcissistic jackass Chad Brownfield neglected to consider thousands of dying individuals across the world when he wished for […]

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Chick-fil-a Challenges Starbucks’ War On Christmas With “Happy Birthday Jesus” Cup

November 20, 2016 Kali Croke 0

ATLANTA–Following outrage over Starbucks’ lack of Christmas imagery on its holiday cup design, Chick-fil-a announced plans to release a seasonal “Happy Birthday Jesus” cup, declaring […]

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