“I Do My Own Research,” Says Aaron Rodgers On Why He Never Wins In Playoffs
GREEN BAY — Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers expressed in a recent interview that, similar to his stances on masks and the COVID-19 vaccines, he also […]
Science
COVID Test Vending Machine Just Wants To Be Spit On
WESTWOOD — The COVID test vending machine located behind Haines Hall recently spoke out about its need to be spit on. “Many have tried to […]
Kyrsten Sinema And Mitt Romney Get To Second Base On Senate Floor
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sens. Sinema and Romney engaged in a bout of heavy petting and excessive tonguing on the Chamber floor after working together to […]
Teen Makes Case For Adderall Prescription By Reciting Memorized Monologue
WESTWOOD — Early Thursday afternoon, 17 year-old Connor Adams recited a perfectly memorized monologue to his psychiatrist in hopes of obtaining an Adderall prescription. “Hi, […]
UCLA Doubles Down On “Zero Waste 2020”
WESTWOOD — On Tuesday, Chancellor Gene Block reaffirmed in an address to the university that UCLA will be waste-free by 2020. “Although we are well […]
First-Year Trampled By Stampede Of Delivery Robots
WESTWOOD — The UCLA community is in mourning today after first year Leslie Pitt, 18, was trampled to death by a stampede of Starship delivery […]
Opinion: Masks Make It Impossible to Hear My Professor, Also Being Asleep
On the first day of fall quarter, I walked into class five to forty minutes late and saw a sea of masks — blue, black, […]
Op-Ed: Our Carbon Footprints Aren’t As Big As Our Carbon Assprints
To preface this argument, I would just like to acknowledge that I care about society a lot. I do think that the climate is changing […]
Anthony Fauci Last Horcrux Needed To Destroy COVID-19
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases recently declared that their director, Anthony Fauci, is the last horcrux needed to kill […]