COVID Test Vending Machine Just Wants To Be Spit On

WESTWOOD — The COVID test vending machine located behind Haines Hall recently spoke out about its need to be spit on. “Many have tried to kink shame, many have failed,” said the machine, formerly known as last year’s Ackerman condom vending machine. “QR code this and QR code that — just spit on me dammit.” At press time, the vending machine was rushing Sig-Ep.