Opinion: I Can’t Believe It’s Already Week 9
Wow, can you believe it’s almost the end of the quarter? Time sure does fly! It feels like the first day of school was just […]
School
Housing Adds “Homoerotic Tension” Option to Male Roommate Contracts
WESTWOOD — Preparing for the renewal of roommate contracts for Winter Quarter, UCLA Housing has added a “Homoerotic Tension” clause, hoping to play matchmaker. “We […]
UCLA’s Final Offer: Replace All TAs With This Cute Widdle Guy
WESTWOOD — In a bold move, UCLA officials have announced plans to fire all teaching assistants and replace them with Mr. Pudding. “We are always […]
Opinion: How Bringing My Copy Of “Ready Player Two” With Me To The Dining Hall Helped Me Get Laid
Like many UCLA students, I had hoped to experience my first romance at this fine institution, but as an oft-ignored fellow, that moment seemed like […]
Opinion: USC Students Are Dumb Poopyheads
People make many arguments as to why UCLA is better than USC, or vice versa. Some people say UCLA has a higher academic ranking. Others […]
Opinion: Maybe We Don’t Need The Environment
Last night’s rally had me praying no SC kids were spying on us on campus, because I was embarrassed by how SNOWFLAKE we looked. I […]
USC Now Offering Participation Degree
UNIVERSITY PARK— After several USC parents reached out to the university in regards to their children saying school was really really really hard, the administration […]
From “Ick” To “Sick”: The Guy You Were Planning On Ghosting Just Gave You Chlamydia
WESTWOOD — Second-year communications major and amateur juggler Mike Rowe Dong is reported to have given you chlamydia after a night of passionless sex. Your […]
Fraternity Announces Only Moms Are Invited To Party This Weekend
WESTWOOD — Your mom and dad just called, and they’re coming to visit you for Parents’ Weekend. Unfortunately for you, it’s also Halloweekend: arguably the […]
Professor Requiring Students To Purchase Her Divorce Memoir
WESTWOOD — Students in Professor Carol Williams’ Chemistry class were dismayed to learn Tuesday that 75% of their grade would consist of reading quizzes on […]