USC Now Offering Participation Degree

UNIVERSITY PARKAfter several USC parents reached out to the university in regards to their children saying school was really really really hard, the administration has decided to offer a B.A. in Participation.

This news breaks after multiple students failed out of previously offered degrees such as the B.A. in Influencing or the B.S. in Advanced Spelling. “I just don’t think we should be expected to be able to spell ‘priveleged,’” commented second-year former Advanced Spelling major Fonner Crank, who recently learned that “balled,” “bawled,” and “bald” are three different words. “Not knowing what went on a BLT shouldn’t have caused me to fail my acronyms class!”

Many proponents of this new degree feel students should be credited beyond their academic performance. “My sweet little cutie pie has surely worked hard enough after having to use public transportation,” stated fifth-year student Mahmi Smahoney’s mommy, who still packs him lunch every morning with heart-shaped PB&Js in it. “He even had to walk across campus in the rain last week.”

At press time, Smahoney’s mother was seen strapping on his velcro shoes before they crossed the road hand in hand.