Molecular Sciences Building Explodes With Cure For Ligma Inside
WESTWOOD — In a red-hot BruinAlert sent out Thursday afternoon, UCLA announced that the Molecular Sciences Building has exploded, and with it, the cure for […]
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Report: Guy In Your Discussion Section Just Misused “Machiavellian”
WESTWOOD — An anonymous source revealed late Friday afternoon that a guy in your discussion section just confidently described something as “Machiavellian,” when it was, […]
Spineless Pushover Follows Traffic Guidelines
WESTWOOD — A shallow excuse for a man was seen blindly following traffic guidelines Wednesday in the greater Westwood area. “I just don’t want to […]
Bruin Bash 2022 To Feature Literal Bashing
WESTWOOD — Amid widespread speculation over which artist will be headlining UCLA’s Bruin Bash, exciting information has come to light: the 2022 edition of the […]
Lack Of Strict Adherence To Move-In Time Now Punishable By Death
WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing community was rocked by a major policy change Saturday, when students arriving for move-in outside of their designated appointment times […]
UCLA Introduces New 3 Bedroom/17 Person Apartments
WESTWOOD — UCLA made waves Saturday with the unveiling of an innovative new housing option: a three-bedroom, seventeen-occupant apartment. “Well, we had to figure out […]
In-N-Out Burger To Replace Bible Verses On Wrappers With Shakespearean Insults
IRVINE — Billionaire owner and president of In-N-Out Burger, Lynsi Snyder, announced last Thursday that the wholesome Bible verses on their packaging will soon be […]
Ancient Memo Reveals All Greek Sculptures Just Wank Bank Material
ATHENS — A groundbreaking archeological dig revealed Monday that all ancient Greek sculptures were created with the sole purpose of providing convenient visual stimuli to […]
New Off-Campus Housing Options Include Westwood Target LEGO Aisle
WESTWOOD — Upperclassmen, no need to fret! You can expect to make the Westwood Target LEGO aisle a potential new home next year, according to […]