Meeting That Could Have Been Zoom Call Could Have Been Email
CLAYTON, MO— For the third time this week, employees at Enterprise Rent-A-Car were dismayed to learn that they would be required to attend a meeting […]
Life
Bomb Threat? Roommate’s Text About Cleaning Has An Exclamation Point
WESTWOOD — Tensions reached an unprecedented high Saturday when third-year Maya Hernandez received a text from her roommate saying, “Heyyy, let’s wipe down the counter […]
Online Professor Requests Students “Smash That Like Button, Comment, And Subscribe”
WESTWOOD — In the wake of instructor surveys, online professors have begun to request that students smash that like button, comment on the discussion board, […]
Solar System Tired Of Planning Student’s Next Downward Spiral
MILKY WAY — The solar system announced Saturday that it had really had enough of planning third-year psychology major Natalie Jones’s next downward spiral. “People […]
Grizzled Detective Still Waiting for Wife to Be Murdered
NEW YORK CITY — Veteran homicide detective Rick Gruff expressed concerns Sunday that his wife of twenty years is still alive and well. “I’ve made […]
Cancel Culture Gone Too Far? LMFAO Forced To Apologize For Party Rockin’
LOS ANGELES — In what some are decrying as “cancel culture run amok,” electronic dance music duo LMFAO is being called on by critics to […]
Heroes: Feminist Frat Bros Annoyed But Respectful Of Your Decision Not To Hook Up With Them Right Now
FRAT ROW — Multiple eyewitness accounts came in last Thursday outside of Chi Alpha Theta regarding the romantic events of the thriving party inside. “Yeah, […]
CCLE To Be Publicly Executed
WESTWOOD — After years of complaints from staff and students, Gene Block announced that he will personally execute the CCLE course management system. “A few […]
Report: “Bruin Bear” Kind Of Redundant
WESTWOOD — UCLA scientists discovered Wednesday that the iconic Bruin Bear statue between Ackerman and Wooden was kind of redundantly named. “It turns out the […]
New Documentary Reveals Existence Of Secret Fourth Beatle
LIVERPOOL — In stunning never-before-seen footage, the new documentary “The Beatles: Get Back” appears to suggest the existence of a previously unknown fourth member of […]