NESTLE HEADQUARTERS — After the human rights organization International Rights Advocates filed legal action against Nestle alleging the use of child slave labor, Nestle CEO […]
WESTWOOD — In response to persistent questions about their hiring practices, Duffl has made public their employment qualifications, which include not fearing God. “Our ideal […]
SILVER SPRINGS, MD — The recent shooting in Uvalde, TX which left 21 dead has prompted the Food and Drug Administration to grant emergency use […]
WESTWOOD— Campus celebrity Powell Cat has been looking especially juicy lately, and fans allege that he has had a Brazilian Butt Lift. “It’s disappointing to […]
HOME — Your mother was seen looking sad on Monday evening, leading family members to believe she was suffering from the impact of generational trauma. […]
WESTWOOD — The voices were right, there are bugs under your skin. “The colony of ants under your epidermis has been ignored for far too […]
Following recent news that the Supreme Court will likely overturn Roe v. Wade, we have curated a list of five places to get an abortion […]
FRAZIER PARK, CA — Despite the rough terrain and inappropriate footwear, your comedy club completed a half-mile hike Saturday afternoon. “Like Lewis and Clark, we […]
WESTWOOD — Following the installation of free menstrual products in over 50% of UCLA bathrooms, administration has announced plans to provide free girl talk in […]
WESTWOOD — Campus is at a complete standstill as news travels of the newest student-curated petition accomplishing nothing. “When will these dumb fuckin’ kids learn?” […]
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