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Health

Opinion: Being Uncircumcised Is Bohemian

March 17, 2023 Ella Cash 0

When I received my acceptance letter from UCLA, I was ecstatic to move to Los Angeles, the land of fruits and nuts. Unfortunately, I have […]

Local Vagina Saves Discharge For Best Underwear

March 3, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

YOUR CROTCH — Despite eight previous hours of blessed discharge-free existence while you were wearing that ratty pair of granny panties you’ve had since high […]

Student Treats Self To A Few Days Of Rotting In Bed

March 1, 2023 Amariyah Lane-Volz 0

A WINDOWLESS BEDROOM — Area student Molly Lee was seen this morning treating themself to a days-long stint of rotting in bed. Due to their recent […]

Complaining About the Rain? Don’t Worry, Climate Change Will Get Rid Of It

March 1, 2023 Tyler Neufeld 0

WESTWOOD — You’ve been complaining for two months now about the rain we’ve gotten this winter. You’re telling everyone that you’re sick and tired of […]

Opinion: How I Get So Much Volume In My Hair I Can’t Hear My Roommate Face-Timing Her Boyfriend

February 27, 2023 Melissa Beining 0

Step 1: I take a shower. This gives me an excuse to avoid hearing my roommate cycle through pet names for her five foot eight […]

Opinion: “Samueli?” More Like “Smelly.” You Stink!

February 24, 2023 Ava Abrishamchian 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA is known for its beautiful architecture and iconic buildings. Even with a melancholy Mathematic Sciences Building, UCLA can keep its top spot […]

Super Bowl? Damn Right I’m Gonna Smoke A Super Big Bowl This Sunday Afternoon

February 10, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

Opinion: If We’re Bringing Back Cigarettes, Why Don’t We Also Bring Back Opium?

February 9, 2023 Vic O'Din 0

I’ve noticed an interesting trend recently. You’re at a party, drinking your beers, sipping your jungle juice, and all of a sudden everyone is smoking […]

Three Signs You Have Developed A Parasocial Relationship With Gene Block

February 6, 2023 Sabrina Ellis 0

Are you feeling those pesky little butterflies fluttering in your tummy when you think about how close you are to Gene Block again after break? […]

Opinion: If I Spill My Trauma To You, Will You Let Me Into Your Grad Program?

February 4, 2023 Unam P. Lloyd 0

I’ve known I wanted to be a neurosurgeon ever since I saw my grandfather get run over by a Zamboni. Right in that moment, as […]

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