Report: Judge Who Struck Down Mask Mandate Has A Great Smile
TAMPA — Reporters on the scene at Florida’s Middle District Federal court, where Judge Kathryn Kimball Mizelle recently struck down the mask mandate for public […]
Zoom
Student Using Zoom Raise Hand Function “Just Stretching”
LOS ANGELES — Second-year Communications major Aiden Malone clarified today that his use of the “raise hand” function on zoom was just his stretching. “If […]
Student Saves Time To Stare At Wall By Watching Lectures At Double Speed
WESTWOOD — This year’s Omicron crisis has pushed many students into busy remote schedules, forcing them to listen to lectures at double speed to preserve […]
Report: Your Neighbor Only Practices Trombone Because He Hates You
WESTWOOD — After careful consideration of the evidence, we’re certain that your neighbor- the one saved in your phone as “Angus from Apartment 216”- only […]
Safety Legends! This Restaurant Switched Their Food To QR Codes
LOS ANGELES — Public health officials clapped when local restaurant Joe’s Burgers, already having replaced its paper menus with QR codes, doubled down on safety […]
4 Reasons Why You Don’t Deserve To Register In That Class You Need To Graduate
You really thought you were out of here. How naïve you were, going on your Class Planner, just begging for a spot to open up […]
Good News! Ashe Appointment Available December 2022
WESTWOOD — On her fifth call to the Ashe Center, second-year Natalie Johnson was able to secure a primary care appointment for December 2022. “I’m […]
Meeting That Could Have Been Zoom Call Could Have Been Email
CLAYTON, MO— For the third time this week, employees at Enterprise Rent-A-Car were dismayed to learn that they would be required to attend a meeting […]
Online Professor Requests Students “Smash That Like Button, Comment, And Subscribe”
WESTWOOD — In the wake of instructor surveys, online professors have begun to request that students smash that like button, comment on the discussion board, […]
3 Signs the Girl Who Liked Your Post in the Class GroupMe Is in Love With You
You have been looking for some romance, but never thought you might find it in your chemistry group chat with 589 people. After replying to […]