UCLA To Replace Inverted Fountain With Perverted Fountain
WESTWOOD — After months of deliberation, UCLA has decided to halt mechanical repairs on the Inverted Fountain and replace it with a new-and-improved Perverted Fountain. […]
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Speaker On Bruinwalk To Blast “Pre-Med Pre-Health?” Every Ten Seconds
WESTWOOD — This Monday, at the peak of rush hour on Bruinwalk, a speaker programmed to blast “Pre-med? Pre-health?” made its debut in front of […]
Girl On Self-Discovery Journey Has Yet To Discover She’s A Bitch
LOS ANGELES — After a full two and a half months, Sarah Myers has officially returned from “Sarah’s Self-Discovery Journey,” yet she did not seem […]
Opinion: I Don’t Need A Halloween Costume If I’ve Never Truly Been Myself
I love October. Changing leaves on every tree, pumpkins on every stoop, and Trader Joe’s butternut squash mac and cheese in every student’s freezer. But […]
Professor Requiring Students To Purchase Her Divorce Memoir
WESTWOOD — Students in Professor Carol Williams’ Chemistry class were dismayed to learn Tuesday that 75% of their grade would consist of reading quizzes on […]
UCLA To Offer Off Campus Meal Plan For Those “Willing To Pay The Price”
WESTWOOD — Late, late last night, Frank Ghoulish, UCLA Viceroy of Meals and Eating, announced that the 2022-23 school year would see the return of […]
UCLA Celebrates Yom Kippur With Traditional Bacon Buffet
WESTWOOD — The most solemn holiday of the Jewish year began at sundown on Tuesday, and UCLA knows just how to celebrate! “A lot of […]
Report: Guy In Your Discussion Section Just Misused “Machiavellian”
WESTWOOD — An anonymous source revealed late Friday afternoon that a guy in your discussion section just confidently described something as “Machiavellian,” when it was, […]
Enormous Activities Fair Threatened By Prospect Of Humongous Activities Fair
WESTWOOD — UCLA students and organizations alike were alarmed to learn Tuesday of a number of fliers found around campus advertising a “Humongous Activities Fair.” […]